Monday, July 18, 2011

Unemployment (A Peek Inside a Beautiful Mind)

I am still unemployed. It’s been around 7 months since I decided to drop out of my last job. I’ve been job hunting since December of last year but I haven’t really found work. I’ve been sending applications online. I’ve applied for several positions in different fields. I applied for a communications trainer position in a BPO company. I applied in positions like: a junior programmer, an SEO specialist, and a data entry specialist. I even applied for jobs outside of my field. A management job in a fast food chain—why not? I also thought of going in to real estate. Hundreds of applications sent but still unemployed after seven months.

Why am I still jobless? The economy has nothing to do with my unemployment—well, it has something to do with my unemployment but not that big. I could say that at the current state of the global economy, I—we are still lucky that companies are hiring. The job site that I frequent does not go empty. Vacant positions are posted daily. Thanks to the multinational BPO companies.

I’ve been working hard sending applications. I can say that 75% of my applications got replies—in email, voice call or text.

Congratulations, you have been considered as a candidate to the junior programmer position. Please come tomorrow for an exam and interview.
Thank you for your interest in joining (insert company name here). I’m sorry to tell you but the last position has been filled.

Sadly, the remaining quarter of my applications got no response. Perhaps, I’m over qualified for the position or, maybe, under qualified. We can also say that I’m qualified but the last position has been taken—the company is saving on credits and time—they opted not to reply. Better yet, the company assumed that I will assume that I did not get the job for not getting a reply.

I believe that there is a job for someone out there if that someone only perseveres. By someone—I meant my self.

Companies have been scheduling exams and interviews for me. No problem with the exams—I aced most of them. LOL! Then it goes down to the interview. You come to the interview very calm and, of course, looking good and smelling fresh. I am the timid type. I am very quiet around new people. A job interview is a Herculean task for me. Before every interview, I always tell my self, ‘I want this job. I’ll pass the interview and I’ll get this job.’ When I’ve finally calmed my self down, the interviewer pops my most dreaded question.

How do you see your self 5 years from now? Ten years from now?

My brain malfunctions  hearing the question above—questions—they are basically the same. I stutter. I go uneasy. It makes me want to run out of the room with my hands raised and screaming—‘FUCK!’

How come I can ace most of my exams and not answer the question? It is the most common question asked by potential employers. I, if not most of us, find it difficult—very difficult. I’ve been looking online for ways to answer the question—none of them were very helpful.

The main reason why I find it hard to answer the question is because I rarely plan the future. I am spontaneous. I do things at whim. Honestly, I dropped out of my last job on a whim. Initially, I was to sign a new contract extending my stay with the company—when I was face-to-face with the HR personnel—I told him to end my current contract instead. I thought of not dropping out but since I went back to school, I opted to leave the company.  I think it was noble of me to pick school over work though I also think it was foolhardy.

The question is one of the reasons, if not the main reason, I am currently unemployed. Another reason: I stand up my potential bosses. For someone desperate to get a job, I am the only one who has the guts to do this—play hard to get to potential employers. I will always, initially, give my agreement when they (companies) schedule exams and interviews and usually change my mind later. Most of the time, I pick the schedule—that I thought was most convenient to me. Who schedules a job interview a week after the company called? Only me—I think. On the day of the interview; I stood them (companies) up. I did not show up because I just didn't want to. I did not show up since another thing came up or I stayed up all night the night before the interview; I woke up late and was unable to come as scheduled. Worse, I went to the meeting place but chose not enter and went to the movies instead. Yes, I am crazy.

Lastly, the reason I am impoverished and jobless now is because I am confused. I studied Computer Science but now I think it is not my field. I love computers. I face computers almost 24/7.

But, now, I can no longer see my self as computer programmer—I can’t stay in a routine job of coding and error checking. I can alternatively choose to go in to web design but I just can’t make a professional looking webpage. My finished products look like the fruits of a child’s imagination and hard work.

I think I am psychologically ill. I want to travel. I want a job that allows me to travel a lot. I want to study beetles, butterflies and grasshoppers—I want to study insects. I’ve always wanted to study insects as a kid. I want to go back to school. I want to learn a new language. I want a lot of things. I want this. I want that. I just couldn’t pick what I want. I just don’t know which to pick first.  

This thing—this beautiful work—would surely make me less marketable. Potential employers, when they read this, will surely not pick me for a position in their company. They surely don’t want to work with a nutcase. My parents, my neighbors and my friends have been trying to figure out what is going inside my head. They’ve been asking what I want in life. Am I lazy? Do I want to stay jobless my whole life? What are my dreams in life? Do I even have dreams in life? This is my answer to them.

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