Unemployment (A Peek Inside a Beautiful Mind)

I am still unemployed. It’s been around 7 months since I decided to drop out of my last job. I’ve been job hunting since December of last year but I haven’t really found work. I’ve been sending applications online. I’ve applied for several positions in different fields. I applied for a communications trainer position in a BPO company. I applied in positions like: a junior programmer, an SEO specialist, and a data entry specialist. I even applied for jobs outside of my field. A management job in a fast food chain—why not? I also thought of going in to real estate. Hundreds of applications sent but still unemployed after seven months.

Why am I still jobless? The economy has nothing to do with my unemployment—well, it has something to do with my unemployment but not that big. I could say that at the current state of the global economy, I—we are still lucky that companies are hiring. The job site that I frequent does not go empty. Vacant positions are posted daily. Thanks to the multinational BPO companies.

I’ve been working hard sending applications. I can say that 75% of my applications got replies—in email, voice call or text.

Congratulations, you have been considered as a candidate to the junior programmer position. Please come tomorrow for an exam and interview.

Thank you for your interest in joining (insert company name here). I’m sorry to tell you but the last position has been filled.

Sadly, the remaining quarter of my applications got no response. Perhaps, I’m over qualified for the position or, maybe, under qualified. We can also say that I’m qualified but the last position has been taken—the company is saving on credits and time—they opted not to reply. Better yet, the company assumed that I will assume that I did not get the job for not getting a reply.

I believe that there is a job for someone out there if that someone only perseveres. By someone—I meant my self.

Companies have been scheduling exams and interviews for me. No problem with the exams—I aced most of them. LOL! Then it goes down to the interview. You come to the interview very calm and, of course, looking good and smelling fresh. I am the timid type. I am very quiet around new people. A job interview is a Herculean task for me. Before every interview, I always tell my self, ‘I want this job. I’ll pass the interview and I’ll get this job.’ When I’ve finally calmed my self down, the interviewer pops my most dreaded question.

How do you see your self 5 years from now? Ten years from now?

My brain malfunctions  hearing the question above—questions—they are basically the same. I stutter. I go uneasy. It makes me want to run out of the room with my hands raised and screaming—‘FUCK!’

How come I can ace most of my exams and not answer the question? It is the most common question asked by potential employers. I, if not most of us, find it difficult—very difficult. I’ve been looking online for ways to answer the question—none of them were very helpful.

The main reason why I find it hard to answer the question is because I rarely plan the future. I am spontaneous. I do things at whim. Honestly, I dropped out of my last job on a whim. Initially, I was to sign a new contract extending my stay with the company—when I was face-to-face with the HR personnel—I told him to end my current contract instead. I thought of not dropping out but since I went back to school, I opted to leave the company.  I think it was noble of me to pick school over work though I also think it was foolhardy.

The question is one of the reasons, if not the main reason, I am currently unemployed. Another reason: I stand up my potential bosses. For someone desperate to get a job, I am the only one who has the guts to do this—play hard to get to potential employers. I will always, initially, give my agreement when they (companies) schedule exams and interviews and usually change my mind later. Most of the time, I pick the schedule—that I thought was most convenient to me. Who schedules a job interview a week after the company called? Only me—I think. On the day of the interview; I stood them (companies) up. I did not show up because I just didn't want to. I did not show up since another thing came up or I stayed up all night the night before the interview; I woke up late and was unable to come as scheduled. Worse, I went to the meeting place but chose not enter and went to the movies instead. Yes, I am crazy.

Lastly, the reason I am impoverished and jobless now is because I am confused. I studied Computer Science but now I think it is not my field. I love computers. I face computers almost 24/7.

But, now, I can no longer see my self as computer programmer—I can’t stay in a routine job of coding and error checking. I can alternatively choose to go in to web design but I just can’t make a professional looking webpage. My finished products look like the fruits of a child’s imagination and hard work.

I think I am psychologically ill. I want to travel. I want a job that allows me to travel a lot. I want to study beetles, butterflies and grasshoppers—I want to study insects. I’ve always wanted to study insects as a kid. I want to go back to school. I want to learn a new language. I want a lot of things. I want this. I want that. I just couldn’t pick what I want. I just don’t know which to pick first.  

This thing—this beautiful work—would surely make me less marketable. Potential employers, when they read this, will surely not pick me for a position in their company. They surely don’t want to work with a nutcase. My parents, my neighbors and my friends have been trying to figure out what is going inside my head. They’ve been asking what I want in life. Am I lazy? Do I want to stay jobless my whole life? What are my dreams in life? Do I even have dreams in life? This is my answer to them.

Invite the Butterflies.

Earlier today, I was able to release another butterfly—it, sort of, flew right away after I took it out of the container.  I've kept it as a cocoon in a container for a week. It was a male Common Mormon (Papilio polytes)—I’ve been reading my lessons so I was able to tell that it was a male—I also compared it to the images online. 

Where did I get the cocoon? The one I released earlier, I got it from my father’s potted lemon tree. I get most of the cocoons from our yard. Some of them are taken from our neighbors’ plants, as a caterpillar or as a cocoon. My neighbors are lucky to have me; I rid them of their abomination. 

Three instars of a caterpillar

After collecting the cocoons, I keep them in plastic containers and release them after the butterflies have emerged from their chrysalis. I store the cocoons because I fear that the neighbor’s stray chickens would peck at them. The caterpillars are also at risk of getting pecked at and eaten but they can defend themselves—the pupae are generally defenseless.

Butterflies are fascinating. Caterpillars, though not as attractive as their adult selves, are also fascinating.  If you want butterflies in your area and you want to observe them from egg to adulthood, you can invite them. Yes, you can. Investing on flowering plants would entice the insects to visit you but, if you want them to breed in your area, I highly recommend planting their host plants. If you want a Citrus Swallowtail to visit, you should keep a citrus tree. A certain species has a certain food plant—have another plant for another butterfly species. Well, there are also other species with common hosts. 

I have observed several butterfly species in our area—six species are common visitors. If you want them in your area, I have listed their food plants—most of them I’ve discovered by luck. The rest I learned from the books and from my visit to the Jumalon Museum, Butterfly Sanctuary, and Art Gallery. 

1. Common Lime Butterfly (Papilio demoleus)

(Photo by WP User: Muhammad Mahdi Karim)

The Common Lime’s wings, viewed above, are black with a broad irregular yellow band running from forewing to hindwing. It also has a large number of irregular spots on the wing. As it ages, the yellow markings would deepen in to orange.  Its upper hindwing has a red tornal spot with blue edging around it.

This tailless swallowtail butterfly got its name from its host plant. Its food plants are from the Rutaceae and Fabaceae families. I have observed them lay their eggs in the lemonsito, pomelo and lemon trees in our area.  

2. Citrus Swallowtail (Papilio demodocus) 

(Photo by WP User: Muhammad Mahdi Karim) 

The Citrus Swallowtail is morphologically related to the Common Lime Butterfly. I myself get confused about the two species.  Looking at the hindwings, from the below, the Common Lime has more yellow while the Citrus Swallowtail has more black. 

The Citrus Swallowtail feeds on—of course—citrus tree leaves.  

3. Mottled Emigrant (Catopsilia pyranthe)

(Photo by WP User: J.M. Garg) 

The Mottled Emigrant is a medium sized butterfly of the family Pieridae.  It is found in South Asia, Southeast Asia and parts of Australia. It has chalky-white wings while other representatives have greenish or yellowish coloring. Its forewing is with or without a discocellular black spot, which varies in size. The hindwing is sometimes clear, but generally with a narrow terminal black spot at the apices of the veins.

The Mottled Emigrant feeds on legumes of the Cassia, Senna and Crotalaria genera. I've seen its caterpillars in our ill-tempered neighbor's dwarfed golden shower tree.

4. Common Mormon (Papilio polytes)

(Photo by Wikipedia/Rahul Natu)

The Common Mormon butterfly is a butterfly with a row of white spots along the middle part of hindwing. This species displays sexual dimorphism. The male has one form and the female has three forms. The form cyrus, the lease common of the three forms, is similar to the male, differing in that it always has strongly marked red crescents. The other two forms are stichius, which mimics the Atrophaneura aristolochiae, and cyrus, which mimics the Atrophaneura hector. 

The Common Mormons also feed on citrus trees. 

5. Tailed Jay (Graphium agamemnon)

The Tailed Jay is a common, tropical swallowtail butterfly species native to India, Sri Lanka through Southeast Asia and into Australia. The butterfly’s upper side wings are black with green spots.  

The Tailed Jay’s host plants are from the family Annonaceae. I recommend planting guyabano and atis/sugar-apple trees. You can also plant Indian mast trees—a tall tree, commonly found planted in the middle of the traffic islands of Mandaue. 

6. Common Jay (Graphium doson)

(Photo by WP User: J.M. Garg)

The Common Jay is a fast-flying swallowtail butterfly. On the upper side, it has black wings with pale blue semi-transparent central wing band that are formed by large spots. Around the wing band are smaller spots. The underside of the wings is brown with markings similar to upper side but whitish in color.

The Common Jay has similar food plants as the Tailed Jay. It also feeds on the plants of the Lauraceae and Magnoliaceae families. 

Before you run and go on planting the food plants, take note: butterflies are beautiful to look at but some of them are considered invasive species. Most people are abhorred of the squirmy caterpillar, especially the hairy ones. Their larvae are also considered pests. There is a high risk that the caterpillars will attack your other plants, especially those which are closely related to their food plants. Lastly, you do not want them around your crops.